Breakdown

I have a mental breakdown about once a year (sometimes twice) where all of the things that have been bothering me just come out all at once and I just have to cry and be comforted by someone. This year's event happened last Sunday night (technically Monday morning). One of my friends had acted like somebody she wasn't, graduate school was getting to me, and various other things (as small and insignificant as me putting dirty dishes in the dishwasher full of clean dishes). But all the things that had been piling up just came out. The strange thing is that this year my mom wasn't the one who comforted me. It was Bryan. He did a great job, but it was still a little strange. It is almost indicative of me entering a new phase of my life. Anyhow, I feel much better now and don't feel so much like a failure.

Three topics

People have been asking me how it is being an old married lady. Sure, I have only been married about a month, but so far it is great. Bryan has been really wonderful and sweet and I can't imagine sharing my life with anybody else. Now that I am done being mushy, I am going to move on to something so ridiculous it is hard for me to believe.

Miss Teen South Carolina'a answer to the "thought provoking" question is absolutely ridiculous.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lj3iNxZ8Dww

I don't even understand how somebody can pass that off as an answer to the question. I could maybe understand the rambling if it were her first pageant, because it could potentially be chalked up to nervousness. However with her experience in pageants I would expect that she at least come up with a crappy answer on topic. She later "defends" herself on Today show. She provided a trite on topic answer there. This clip isn't as good, but here it is anyways.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YR8F0hkqokg&mode=related&search=

Well, best of luck to you Miss South Carolina. At least now you are famous (or infamous).

Now back to something serious. Graduate school is TOUGH! I knew that it would be, but classes just move at such a quick pace and they assume previous knowledge of several things that I knew 2 years ago, but have forgotten since then. I have been spending a lot of time reviewing, and I believe that I will soon be up to speed with people, but wish me luck! My real variables professor is very strange. He told me that we are never to do calculus on December 25. His reason? It is Newton's birthday. Oh well, at least he is more than willing to help me figure stuff out. He is just a quirky mathematician.

Moving Along

My life is progressing faster than I am realizing. I am now married, live in a house (which is pretty awesome), and am about to start graduate school. I am very excited about it all, but the strange thing is that it doesn't feel any different from my life 2 months ago (except that I am not living at my parent's house any more). I guess I was just looking forward to all of these things that I didn't realize how natural they all were. I am loving life, loving my husband, and hoping to love graduate school when I start next week!

Marriage

I am getting married on Saturday! That is just such an amazingly crazy thing to even think about. I am currently not nervous, just excited. I think my mom and I are in a bit of a fight, though I wish we weren't. It is just that when we disagree, she always wins because I am not that much of a fighter. When I try to fight back it just blows up on me. At least I have made many of the decisions.

As far as Bryan goes, I know he will be great. I also know he is the only person who ever reads this. All he has to do is stop assuming he knows what people are saying and actually listen to them instead. Oh well, nobody is perfect, but he is still pretty darn good. How can I not love him?

Back Home

Well I am back in Tullahoma for at least a few days. This has been such a full summer, but I have definitely been enjoying myself. Mom seems to think the wedding is an excellent way for all of the work she wanted to get done around the house (painting, scrubbing, window washing, etc) to actually get done. She tells me some lame story about how washing out lanterns if for my wedding. I of course don't buy these stories, but as she has helped me so much with wedding stuff, I suppose I can humor her.

I have a new penpal, which is a bit dorky, yet very exciting to me. She may, however, be too good, because every time I email her I get a response within a few hours. I can assure you I am not that good. It is nice to receive real email and not just somebody attempting to get me to enlarge my penis or change my prescription drug plan. Speaking of which, the new span where it says I have received an online card from a friend is extremely annoying. I can only hope that none of them are real. I know I am going to be less likely to send an online greeting card after the rash of greeting card spam.

I am looking forward now to both my wedding and Kristy Carmack's wedding. We both have something in common. We both had to change our bridesmaid lineup. However, I get the feeling that we are really both happier with our current bridesmaids. I can't believe the wedding is so close now. It was different when it was so distant, but now it is REAL. I am excited about everything though.

Books That Mattered/ Books That I Enjoyed

I was talking to Annie Carter today about books that I had read that had some sort of impact on me, and decided to share my list.

Skeletons on the Zahara: A True Story of Survival by Dean King
The Poisonwood Bible by Barbara Kingsolver
Exodus by Leon Uris
The Miracle of Castel Di Sangro by Joe McGinniss
Ender's Game by Orson Scott Card
Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers

Of the list, the first three fit in the impact category, while the last three are books that I think people would enjoy and had some sort of impact on me, but it wasn't quite as strong. This is clearly not a complete list. It is really more of a spur of the moment list of recommendations of books that people may otherwise not read.

I also feel obliged to add The Time Traveler's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger as a book I enjoyed, but I only finished it yesterday, so I cannot judge its continuing impact on me.

I love reading, and sometimes forget how many books I have read. Dear Bryan, I wish you read more so that I would consistently have somebody to discuss books with. Ah, I love you anyhow.

No good title exists for this post

It is a tragedy that all moms eventually become crazy.

Juggling

A popular pastime at SMP this year appears to be juggling. It is of course a great activity though. It is time consuming and frustrating, but is also a great group activity and once it is learned, a person feels very accomplished. So far Annie Carter and Jen Biermann have really improved their skills to the point that they can actually throw the balls at least five times. It is a great group activity, because there are so many ways to juggle with a friend. I know Bryan and I juggled together for hours one day. It was a great deal of fun and I hope that we have time to do silly things like that next year. I know that we are both going to be otherwise busy with our studies, but without fun things to keep us going, what is the point?

Confrontation

I hate having to go up to somebody and let them know that they have done something wrong. Don't get me wrong, I am willing to do it. I just don't like it. It eats me up inside, and I still have a fear that they will somehow turn things around and blame them on me. I realize this is a public access blog, and that anything I say can be read by anyone (though I doubt it is), but it is extraordinarily calming just to put everything down in words. I think in conversations, and I have one running over and over in my head. It isn't a conversation that has ever occurred before, and it features me in various stages of aggressiveness. I hope things aren't ruined if I talk, but I know they will be ruined if I don't. Wish me luck.

Squash is Rough

Today I learned how to play squash. It is a lot like racquetball except the ball doesn't bounce very well, and the court is smaller. There are also out of bounds. It was very fun, however I did suffer an injury. I was playing with Annie Carter, and I turned around to see where the ball was headed and it smashed into my neck. The picture I posted was taken about 6 hours after the injury was incurred. I can't decide whether or not I want a bruise. It is a cool, random place to get a bruise, but with my luck it would be there for the wedding. I'll let you know what ends up happening.